|Just got back from honeymoon with the cookie.|
Look at that badass up there with her cool cookie lover, and the random cats flying outside. That, ladies and gents, is how you bring sexy back. I've had the chance to know this woman on Twitter and let me tell you something, Julie is the chick you call if you need help hiding a body (shh, I didn't say a dead one).
I recently decided that every week I'll interview a different writer (published or unpublished) and maybe even literary agents. The question topics will range from writing, to completely random and sometimes personal. It's just a way to promote yourself as a writer and a person.
Buckle up, kids. Let's get this show on the road.
Buckle up, kids. Let's get this show on the road.
Q: We're meeting for the first time at a party. Introduce yourself to me. (Use pick-up lines if you want but I will throw my hypothetical drink in your face.)
A: "Hey, you're pretty. So am I. Let's do all these shots." *Pushes shots to you* "I'm Julie, and everyone knows it. I get away with a lot, I'm a black belt, have a compulsion to buy reptiles and outlandish panties, and I like my writing like I like my coffee...the weirdest flavour I can make and something you never knew you wanted so bad."
Q: What's better, having high expectations or having low expectations?
A: High expectations. Punch through the target and you'll hit it as hard as you possibly can. A boxer throws every punch like it's going to land. Not every one does, but throw them like they will. Aiming low sets you up for failure. And think of it like this...everyone had a good teacher or coach or something that worked them, made them do more than they thought they could, made them push boundaries. Not one of those coaches said on the day of the big fight, "You worked for this! Now go out there and TRY!" No. No try. Just do. And do it right.
Q: Your tweets about your kids are pretty hilarious. What's the most awesome thing about them? (The kids, not the tweets.)
A: Really? Because the tweets are pretty--- FINE. Watching my kids interact is incredible. Everyone says it, but my boys are absolutely brilliant, and both in totally different ways. Bennett is gifted academically, and has this subtle sarcasm at 6 that adults don’t have. He’s full of wonder and appreciation of every little thing, he takes nothing for granted. He’s a gift from God, that one. And Samuel, the 3 year old…. His middle name is Forrest because when I was pregnant with him, I longed for spring and the woods, the fresh air. And that’s what he is, a breath of fresh air. That child is strong as hell, hilarious…like a cross between John Belushi and Chris Farley…and yet is so cuddly, I could die.
Q: Why is it that everyone driving faster than you is considered an idiot and everyone driving slower than you is a moron?
A: Because I drive fast as hell, so if you’re going faster than me, you can’t possibly have any control, and if you’re slower than me you’re weak. YOU’RE WEAK.
Q: This week is pretty exciting for you. Your epic book "Running Home" is on sale. TELL ME MORE.
A: RUNNING HOME is, of course, my baby. It was my first book. It’s done better than I ever expected, and Books of the Dead Press saw it was worthwhile right away, even if it wasn’t REALLY their genre. This book was something I wanted to see written, something I was missing as a reader. The sale is a celebration of the success of the Books of the Dead’s blog, and I’m so proud to be a part of that team, this makes me kinda weepy.
Q: Share a personal story so embarrassing that I'll cry for you in-between my hysterical laughing.
A: I’VE GOT THIS. So, I had to pee, reaaaaally bad at Walmart, so I darted into the bathroom, did what I needed to, and when I opened the door I was in the very populated men’s room. Sure, I could pull this off with a little “hello boys” and sauntering out like I belonged there, but no. I open the door next to the handicap room, and of course, it’s the only time I’ve ever seen an actual handicapped person come out of the handicapped room, and he’s in his wheelchair, at breast height to me, and obviously looking at me like I’m a fucking nitwit. So, yeah, being the person that all the dudes are talking about in the Walmart restroom? That was right up there. Also this was like a few months ago.
Q: If I say you're not allowed to write for a whole month and you have to oblige, how would you cope? (Murder is an option but you can't murder me because of reasons.)
A: I would cry a lot. I’d buy a shit ton of books and underwear. And the drinking and carousing? It would be Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas worthy. I might go to Vegas, actually. It is my favorite place in the world, and I can show Vegas how it’s done. Did you know Roy of Siegfried and Roy kissed me on the cheek before the thing happened? Yup. He did.
Q: If you could have one super power, what would it be? Also, which existing superhero would you choose to be your sidekick?
A: I need to fly. I have dreams about it too often. All the time, and I wake up aching to do it. (That’s what she said.) Iron Man would be a natural for me. We have equal amounts of sarcasm and sex appeal. But I do love a broody Batman. And the Tick and I would be hilarious. But Iron Man. He’s my soul mate.
Q: A ten year old boy walks into a coffee shop. It's empty. The tables and chairs begin to melt. A squirrel comes in through a back door and greets him with a smile before doing a rendition of Jay Z's "99 problems." What happens next?
A: ACTUAL Jay Z serves everyone strudel. The kid has a reaction to the strudel that makes him able to make the world’s most delicious strudel, which makes him uber famous. He then laces the strudel with a poison he created that gives the eater visions of Jay Z at his drunkest. The world goes wild over his antics and Jay Z becomes president, with this 10 year old as his VP. True story.
Q: What's the hardest lesson you've learned?
A: Sometimes people are gone and they don’t come back.
Q: Would you rather go to Hogwarts and still be a muggle, or live in a world with Pokemon, but only be able to catch Magikarps?
A: Well, shit. Either way, you’re in a losing situation a bit? But I would be a muggle at Hogwarts in a heartbeat. You can make the right friends, you can learn, and you can be a resourceful motherfucker and still win in the end. Strength is magical. WOW, DID YOU HEAR THAT? THAT WAS SO GOOD.
Q: What are you working on right now?
A: The sequel to RUNNING HOME, which is called RUNNING AWAY. We see Eliza go to Japan, and become what she’s meant to be, and it tears her to shreds more than being the misplaced thing she was did. More than losing everything she had did, and it was her destiny to lose everything. Now here she is, where she’s supposed to be, and it’s no better. Aside from that, THE HARPY, a totally different novel, is written, got me representation, and is on its way to the world.
Q: What crime would you most likely be arrested for?
A: Shit. Assault and battery. For sure. I’d get liquored up and ruin someone.
Q: What was your favourite TV show when growing up?
A: Three’s Company! And The Misfits of Science. Don’t know it? Sorry. You suck.
Q: This question is open for you to answer with whatever the hell you want. Talk about zombie kittens if that's what comes to mind, or tell me about your physical attraction to cookies (which is totally normal).
A: No pressure, obviously. I guess I should say, be yourself, no matter who you are, and that works two ways. You may not be the kid who never fit in, the kid that everyone looked at weird…you may be NORMAL. Even if you think you’re the most uninteresting person alive, being exactly who you are is how you’ll find out what sets you apart.
T-t-t-that's all, folks!
Make sure you read Julie's blog here and follow her Twitter here. I'm not overstating it when I say that she lights up my whole damn timeline, and no, she did not pay me to say that (she threatened me with a pizza cutter).
If you're interested in being interviewed like this or simply want to ask me a question, drop me an email here.