Writer of Outrageous Tales

12 November 2013

Bro, make sure you get in the whole afro.

I was excited about this interview, because Josh is someone I've been speaking to for months now. I've had the pleasure of reading his stories and poetry and let me tell you, his talent is so...talented. Lucky for me (and everyone reading this), Joshua injected some poetry into his interview.

Q: Introduce yourself to me like I have no idea who you are. But wait, do it in poetry form.


Let’s haiku this intro.

wandering through life

following dreams where they go

dare to see them through


Q: Describe yourself as a video game character. What’s your name? What are you wearing? What powers do you have?


First off, I’m eight bit. I’m not one of those polished polygon prima donnas that have zero replay ability, nosireebob. I’m the eight bit wonder Adam the Insomniac. I’m wearing a costume that vaguely resembles bunny pajamas and the mask of Zorro, if it was blue and came in polka dots. I’m chasing down the nefarious Dr. Cosmic, who has stolen my real costume and intends to tarnish my name in the city of Heroville. I don’t have any superpowers, but I do come with a gas gun, grappling hook and my cape actually functions as a glider. I’m like Batman if he was maybe 8 years old.

Q: What is it about poetry that you love the most?


I think the real attraction today about poetry with me is that I think it’s kind of a lost art. Song lyrics are about as wax poetic as most people I know get these days, and the works of people like EE Cummings or Calvin Miller.

The other cool thing about poetry is that there are no rules.

Lines can start HERE

There

Any where for noreasonatall

Other than…

I want to and can.

Q: Put your iTunes of shuffle and give me the first five songs that pop up. No skipping!


1. Peace Sign – Lights album: Siberia

2. Push – Avril Lavigne Album: Goodbye Lullaby

3. I’m So Sick – Flyleaf Album: Flyleaf

4. Stop Standing There – Avril Lavigne Album: Goodbye Lullaby

5. Quicksand – Finger Eleven Album: Tip

(Shocked that not one Rise Against or Jars of Clay song appeared.)

Q: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?


Most of the time, I’d like to think so. I’m not perfect, but I try to be there for the people I care about.

Q: If you could trade lives with anyone (living, dead or fictional) for a day, who would it be and why?


I would love to be either Leonardo Da Vinci when he tried to figure out how a helicopter worked, or Tesla. I always wonder at the lost genius’ of the thirties and he’s just interesting. When I’m hammered I’d probably say Chris Jericho or Hulk Hogan.

Q: Would you rather always have to say what’s on your mind or never speak again?


I need to get out what’s on my mind, so I'd rather have to say what’s on my mind. I pretty much do anyways.

Q: If you had to choose one Pokémon to be your life-long sidekick, which one would you pick?


This without a doubt was one of the toughest questions of the whole interview. Since I still think Generation one was the best of all the Pokémon, I've got to go with Magmar.

Q: You’re sitting around the dinner table with your family. They’re all eating in silence, but you can’t because something doesn’t feel right. Your mother looks up at you and smiles. Your father looks up at you and smiles. Your siblings look up at you and smile. They’re all smiling but you can’t smile back, because behind each one of them is a Grim Reaper and they’re all smiling, too. What happens next?


I scream and tell my family to run as I charge at the first reaper in front of me. I attempt to save my sister first, tackling the reaper and attempting to wrestle it to the ground, ignoring the smells of formaldehyde and sulfur. His fingers are so cold, try as I might I can’t escape the grip. The world darkens and begins to fade to black. I wonder what happens to my family as I close my eyes and…

Q: Hit me with your best pick-up line.


You have a beautiful smile and it made my day. My name is Josh and I’d like to buy you a drink.

Q: If you had to choose one plot from your personal life to be made into a movie, which would you choose?


Hmmm…so many. I think me coming back to Calgary the second time would be a great inspirational movie, with its share of comedy.

Q: Would you rather be the good man without powers, or the evil man with all the power in the world?


A good man. It may not seem like the fun answer I know, but having all the power in the world would bore me. Sure, I’d be king and probably do all the horrible and terrible things you read about in fantasy books or see in Buffy or Angel, but at the end of the day, what’s it worth?

Better to be a good man striving to make the world a better place. I may not have powers, but it’s all I need you know? I believe I can do anything. What else is there?

Q: In your opinion, what personality is the most fun to write?


Anything villainous is fun to write. You can say things you never would in real life and just have fun being a prick on paper. My all time favorite writer involved an evil brother waiting for his brother to arrive, and having to resist the temptation to go out there and find him, because he wanted to savor the kill. You can’t have heroes with that kind of sinister dialogue. I like that petty, selfish, egomaniacal kind of writing.

Q: Write a three-sentence story about a horse with an alcohol problem.


For once, Rusty can say he really wasn’t the problem.

“Hi, my name is Rusty and I have a problem. My horse you see can’t get enough whisky,”

Watching the horse stagger around as Rusty told his sad tale, the alcoholic’s anonymous group had to admit that this was original.

Q: This question is open for you to answer with whatever the hell you want. You can talk about your passions, or write a poem about slow turtles are.


Hmm…how about both:

The turtle struggles

Step. by. Step. By. Step.

The sea so close, yet so far

It will take forever it seems, to get there

But the turtle never gives up

Going so slow-ly

In-evit-ably

Towards the destination

The sea beckons

Its journey culminating

At the sea…

Step.

By step.

By step…


Thanks a bunch.

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Here are some of Joshua's cool tweets:









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Make sure you catch up with previous interviews:


Feel free to contact me if you'd like to be interviewed. You don't have to be a published writer!
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