Writer of Outrageous Tales

22 November 2015

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The Most Useless Writing Advice You Will Ever Receive

Every time National Novel Writing Month comes around, I see countless blog posts going around filled with motivation, inspiring quotes and pretty great advice for all the crazy NaNo-doers. At first I thought, why not jump on that trend and write a brilliantly inspiring post for my followers? Then I thought nah. Why do that when I can torture you with some terrible advice instead? So here it is: the most useless writing advice you will ever receive, courtesy of me and a handful of my wonderful Twitter buddies.

I started off with this one because I honestly think it's some solid writing advice. Especially the last point. We all know villains have the best stories and we really should write what we know...

This is incredible advice. Following it will ensure that you write at least one book every ten goddamn years. 


Is the great American novel a tear-stained page? If yes then I've already written it. But nice try, Wesley. Nice try.

Fantastic advice from Tia! And she's obviously so very right. Just quit and get a job you hate. It'll be fun!

I live by this advice. All of my characters are currently dead. Every single one of them. This strategy has done wonders for my very, very short novels!

This has somewhat become a daily ritual for me, especially during this grave month of NaNoWriMo when writers sacrifice themselves for a certificate and free stuff.

Only idiots write about what they don't know. Research? Pfft. Yeah, right, okay I'll "research" to make my story more comprehensive and realistic. Terrible idea, guys. Terrible.

Or just take a published book, change the names and locations and then republish it! Yay!

Hell yes. If your first draft isn't publishing material, then you've failed and you should burn your laptop and all of your notes.

Wow. This is beautiful. I'm doing it. I'm tearing up. So good.

Worst? WORST? This is genius. Give her everything you own.


This is fairly similar to my "write drunk, edit drunk" advice. You probably won't get much writing done if you follow this but you'll have a kickass nap (and dreams are basically fictional so really napping is research).

Buy him a beer. Also, punch him in the face. Also, don't do that last one. He was right. We should all be ashamed of our AWESOMENESS.

I'M ON TRACK! 


*wipes away tear* 
Beautiful.

I would seriously advise all writers to follow these tips for instant success. I would also seriously advise that you not take me seriously. There are only 9 more days until NaNoWriMo ends so start slacking, type slower and get rid of all caffeinated beverages in your house because it's an important week and you need to nap more. 

A huge thanks and high-fives all round to my brilliant Twitter followers for sharing their terrible writing tips. You never fail to amuse me.


Before I go, here's a puppy in a cup:

You're welcome.


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